Emotional and smart Inspiration: March 2006

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

on /off

off designs cant engage with

interesting of christopher pearson wall as seen at design mart ..large format plasma

sctedhed ideas about intimacy table cloth my thought process for animation and development of emotional comunication based on empathy , intimacy and relaxation.

pillow and teardrops by

edwardmuybridge

i looked into his work as inspiration for my animation

reseach for switch smart project

i tried to play around with my idea of creating an intimate realtion triger .. somthing that would be symolic of comunication between people in a social setting ..

rtual intimacy

finding ritual nice image

liedetector

Spies are probably the world's best liars, because they have to be, but most of us practice deception on some level in our daily lives, even if it's just telling a friend that his horrible haircut "doesn't look that bad."

Photo courtesy Lafayette Instrument
An analog polygraph instrument
Most analog polygraphs are being replaced by digital devices.

People tell lies and deceive others for many reasons. Most often, lying is a defense mechanism used to avoid trouble with the law, bosses or authority figures. Sometimes, you can tell when someone's lying, but other times it may not be so easy. Polygraphs, commonly called "lie detectors," are instruments that monitor a person's physiological reactions. These instruments do not, as their nickname suggests, detect lies. They can only detect whether deceptive behavior is being displayed.

Do you think you can fool a polygraph machine and examiner? In this article, you'll learn how these instruments monitor your vital signs, how a polygraph exam works and about the legalities of polygraph testing.

Photo courtesy Lafayette Instrument
Parts of a polygraph that monitor physiological responses

When you sit down in the chair for a polygraph exam, several tubes and wires are connected to your body in specific locations to monitor your physiological activities. Deceptive behavior is supposed to trigger certain physiological changes that can be detected by a polygraph and a trained examiner, who is sometimes called a forensic psychophysiologist (FP). This examiner is looking for the amount of fluctuation in certain physiological activities. Here's a list of physiological activities that are monitored by the polygraph and how they are monitored:
• Respiratory rate - Two pneumographs, rubber tubes filled with air, are placed around the test subject's chest and abdomen. When the chest or abdominal muscles expand, the air inside the tubes is displaced. In an analog polygraph, the displaced air acts on a bellows, an accordion-like device that contracts when the tubes expand. This bellows is attached to a mechanical arm, which is connected to an ink-filled pen that makes marks on the scrolling paper when the subject takes a breath. A digital polygraph also uses the pneumographs, but employs transducers to convert the energy of the displaced air into electronic signals.

• Blood pressure/heart rate - A blood-pressure cuff is placed around the subject's upper arm. Tubing runs from the cuff to the polygraph. As blood pumps through the arm it makes sound; the changes in pressure caused by the sound displace the air in the tubes, which are connected to a bellows, which moves the pen. Again, in digital polygraphs, these signals are converted into electrical signals by transducers.

• Galvanic skin resistance (GSR) - This is also called electro-dermal activity, and is basically a measure of the sweat on your fingertips. The finger tips are one of the most porous areas on the body and so are a good place to look for sweat. The idea is that we sweat more when we are placed under stress. Fingerplates, called galvanometers, are attached to two of the subject's fingers. These plates measure the skin's ability to conduct electricity. When the skin is hydrated (as with sweat), it conducts electricity much more easily than when it is dry.

Some polygraphs also record arm and leg movements. As the examiner asks questions, signals from the sensors connected to your body are recorded on a single strip of moving paper. You will learn more about the examiner and the test itself la

The Issue
Because of difficulties in "reading" body language and cues, people on the Spectrum have a difficult time in negotiating the complex art of social interaction. This isn't an impossible thing, and most of us have learned to do this, but we have to learn it. NTs (NeuroTypical people or non-autistics) have to learn the same things, but the additional difficulties that autistics have make it more difficult for us to "get started".

This is much like driving -- once you get a beginning level of skills, you will learn no matter what your native aptitude for driving is. Except in relationships, there is very little public transportation.

The Prime Directive
Do whatever you can to facilitate getting started in dating or other relationship socialization. That's the threshold to cross.

Dating or establishing intimate relationships is a threshold issue for us to the extent that we can be divided into two groups -- those who date (or are otherwise involved) and those who don't. This is stereotypically in the form of "dating" but the actual form of meeting and activity can be varied.

so.. "The rest is details. Go and study."

(The word, "intimate" has various meanings. For the purposes of this article, I am using the term to describe couples-type relationships, associated with dating and life partnership. There are of course other meanings to the word "intimate". For example, a sincere personal discussion can be considered "intimate".)

The Prospects
I have seen reports that fewer than 10% of people with Asperger's syndrome are successful in their ability to achieve good relationships. I don't believe that is really the case because:
1. That conclusion was made before Asperger's syndrome was commonly diagnosed. Diagnosis is important to self-understanding.
2. There are a significant number of Aspies who have done very well at relationships.
3. The assessment was probably based on a determination that marriage is the only valid form of a successful relationship.
4. There are a large number of anecdotal reports of good relationships involving people with Asperger's syndrome.

If you divide Aspies in particular and autistics in general according to whether they have crossed the "dating" threshold, the likelihood of success in relationships increases significantly for those who have started to date (or the equivalent). Then take into account the effect of diagnosis, which is significant with AS -- instead of being "weird" the person understands he/she has AS. With knowledge of AS comes a much greater tendency to engage people who enjoy the company of someone with AS characteristics.

These changes make it easy to approach the NT level of 50% marriage success rate. If one considers non-marriage relationships, it is likely that people with Asperger's syndrome will start to have the same degree of success in life relationships as everybody else.

On a more basic level, once an autistic crosses the threshold of dating, he/she will improve their knowledge and ability in handling relationships. Often they become particularly social.

Educational Television
Kids (and adults) on the autism Spectrum should watch as much "adult theme" television as they can enjoy. The subtle interactions -- more accurately, the depictions of subtle interactions -- between the characters are especially important to learn.

The flood of "adult theme" television programming that some parents complain about are ideal for kids on the autism Spectrum! "The Spectrum" generally means the autism Spectrum, including Asperger's syndrome, HFA, PDD and Kanner's autism. Many of us are comfortable with the generic reference of "autistic".) There are certainly differences from what's depicted on TV and real life, but autistics who hadn't learned that are in serious trouble anyway.

Cinematic depiction of emotions is particularly good as an educational tool.

The fictitious issues in these "adult theme" programs are sometimes based on sensationalism, but for the shows to be successful they must mimic or parody real-life emotions. In a peculiar twist on reality, the emotions depicted of even the more outrageous characters are often more mainstream than real life!

Try to find something which has some degree of interest to it. Some of the HBO shows are particulary good, but any TV show or movie which depicts adult themes and adult emotions is a trivial but real educational experience.

If one doesn't like TV -- That's easy. There are far more intricate descriptions of social interaction in books.

Autism and 'Singles' Dating Sites
In a separate document,singles.html, I detail the use of singles dating websites. These are best suited for age groups beyond college, but offer an alternative to "face to face" introductions. These dating sites are ideal for people on the autistic Spectrum, including Asperger's syndrome people.

Meeting people for relationships is a lot easier with these on-line services. I think autistics may even have an advantage over NTs in the use of this media!

It seems that these sites have at least two advantages over meeting in-person. First, as I mentioned before, the entire "first three minutes" of a face-to-face meeting are not critical because the face-to-face doesn't need to happen until after the introduction.

There are other advantages. Selection criteria is, by the design of these sites, based on information other than directly reading "body language". The personal information is necessarily sketchy, but it is that way for everyone. Everyone gets to read the same kinds of comments from the poster.

It's actually hard to misread "signals" on one of these sites. Someone listing on a dating site expects to be considered available for dating. You almost certainly will be rejected but you won't be criticized for making the approach!

NOTE: There is some duplication of text between here and the singles.html webpage. Just skim over the duplications.

You're ... REJECTED!
There are many reasons for rejection, and only a few of them are because of your approach. Even those attributable to "you" are likely to be a matter of personal preference of the particular individual.

Are You *Anybody's* Type?
"Physical type" may be shallow but one of the major issues for dating and relationships is physical attractiveness. If a person is looking for a faithful companion and doesn't need to be physically attracted to the companion, you'll find them looking at the local animal shelter to adopt a pet.

Obviously there are ideal physical types, but even there, variation in taste exists. Fortunately there are no universal ideals!

Even a "sex goddess" is going to evoke a "what do people see in her?" response. There are people who find just about every "look" in people attractive. Incidentally, men are often visually attracted to women who are not their type, and will often not be interested in dating women that are most likely to catch their eye on the street.

Unfortunately the major exception is weight. It's not that there aren't people who find overweight people attractive; it's just that there seems to be many more overweight people than people who are interested. The answer in an ideal world is to do whatever is necessary to bring the weight down. You will live longer and enjoy life more.

Select the criteria which are important to you and work around the criteria which are not. This is particularly true of on-line dating services, which can be very statistically oriented (an advantage!)

If your personal taste has you competing against too many people, see if there is a comfortable way to adjust the criteria. The idea is to find someone you would like; not someone who you wouldn't like but have to accept.

Consider your selection criteria. Most of us have heard people suggest that we be less picky and date people who (fill in the blank). The problem is we don't want to date people in that category. If you wanted to date someone who is (fill in the blank), wouldn't you have already done so?!! Let the people giving you the advice tell themselves what their own likes and dislikes should be!

Fortunately there are categories of people who would be very acceptable, if not preferable. It's only necessary to determine what they are. If this is approached carefully, it is possible in most cases to find someone who comes reasonably close to your criteria of an ideal date.

(Incidentally, when I mention "categories", I mean identified characteristics; not the value or worth of a person. I believe everyone is worthy.)

Faux Pas
The following is for people who have trouble with saying "inappropriate" things. Actually most of us do, but some have been fortunate to have had sufficient training to avoid making too many faux pas.

If you are relatively inexperienced, I guess just about everything is a potential faux pas. That's why I think it essential to get started. Like driving a car, you won't learn how until you start.

In engaging in conversations, it should be easy to separate "sensitive" subjects from casual ones. You really don't have to be careful when discussing your likes/dislikes about things like television shows, etc. Politics is fair game unless you're in Iran or Syria or something. Be very careful not to perseverate on a personal opinion, however! It's easy for autistics to do that.

The criterium is whether you are lecturing to the person or otherwise boring the cr*p out of the person.

Personal subjects of any kind are best avoided, ignored or deferred until you are sure they can be discussed. If unsure, just say, "I don't know if it is inappropriate to talk about this in this right now."

Obvious subjects that take reflection are sex, intimacy, the other person's appearance (except superficial things like hair colour), and women's age. (If women object to age being taboo, then they are welcome to bring it up, but a guy can have his head handed to him if he brings that one up.)

There's a book in the "For Dummies" series titled Dating For Dummies. I don't particularly like the For Dummies' approach to computing but their task-oriented approach is ideal as a good, uh.. HOWTO for dating. A companion (no pun intended) book is Etiquette For Dummies. After reading a few selections from these, you can go back to your O'Reilly novel.

It is almost always a "sin of the system" to ask someone out with a sexual suggestion.

(Temple Grandin classifies rules of society as "courtesy rules," "illegal but not bad things," "really bad things," and "sins of the system". Probably the sexual suggestion is closer to the category of "really bad things". (Grandin, February 1999; Grandin, Thinking in Pictures)).

Compulsiveness
Compulsiveness about is probably the biggest "turn-off" when meeting a potential partner. This particularly affects men on the Spectrum.

Most people, and especially autistics, have learned this. If this is too obvious, please skip to the next section.

Probably, the reason compulsiveness affects autistics is the lack of experience in meeting partners.

Getting to know someone is a casual series of events. Expressing too much urgency about it could intimidate or dissuade the person you're trying to meet. Often the person you are trying to meet is nervous about the new encounter and would be overwhelmed by intense interest.

It is also important to allow the other person to make up his/her mind on their own; otherwise they will either never be interested or quickly lose interest. This may seem like the NT custom of playing "hard to get", but being somewhat stand-offish in the beginning of a relationship is often necessary.

Reality Check
Sometimes you don't need good judgement. If you're unsure of something, ask a friend. (Be sure you can trust him/her!) As long as the friend is someone who you trust and who has pretty much your values on the subject, the two of you are going to be smarter.

But be careful what you tell people. If a secret can't be kept by you and you're the one who needs secrecy, someone else won't keep it secret either. A friend you tell a secret to has only a vicarous interest in keeping the secret. Also remember Monica Lewinsky's confiding in Linda Tripp about her personal life with President Clinton -- not everyone who is friendly is your friend!

Getting Intimate
This is another place where it is frequently difficult to avoid committing a faux pas. How do you know when it is okay to get more amorous or physical?

First, if you don't know what the other person wants to do sexually, you can't easily know what's okay. Okay, doing nothing is safe, but it would be nice to know when it's okay to be more physically intimate.

More details are at this website, which has yet another webpage about sex.

Decisions about sexuality should be according to your own wishes and desires. Don't be restrained by others' value systems. You should also not be afraid to say "no" if you're uncomfortable about something, so if you don't want to get intimate, don't.

The same "if you don't want to, don't" philosophy applies to any part of involvement in a relationship. Make decisions because you want to.

Romance is Difficult to Define
It is very important to be romantic and creative in a long term intimate sexual relationship. Each person and each couple is different, but the idea is to keep sex from becoming mechanical or routine.

Some ideas:
• Be creative
• Consider soft-core or erotic movies or erotic movies written by women.
• Explore fetish-type fantasies, in a manner acceptable to your mate. Take an approach of "fun" as opposed to trying to be exotic.
• Think of romantic activities.
• Read mainstream magazines which talk about intimate romance; e.g., Cosmopolitan, some men's magazines.

Most Relationships End
There are a lot of NT expressions about this, which I'm sure you've heard. The only thing I have to add is a saying often used by Italian-Americans, "Don't let it bother you."

No matter how ideal your partner is or was, there is always someone else. Life is an adventure and meeting people can be a good part of that adventure.

Don't try to figure out why. It is possible that one thing bothered the person, and there are certainly things that both of you can point to toward the end of the relationship which led to its demise. But the real reason you broke up was that at least one person wasn't interested anymore. So if the person didn't like you for you, "Don't let it bother you."

Once it's over, don't try to bring the person back. The person made up their mind. Depending on circumstances, you may remain friends for life, or never want to see each other again. In either case, give the hurt of separation time to heal first.

A different situation is where people meet, start to date and never really "hit it off." From a dating standpoint "let's just be friends" is the last thing you want to hear, but if neither of you see a dating relationship, you may still decide that friendship is a good thing. (Incidentally, intimacy in a mere friendship is not incompatible, but does introduce a great deal of complexity into the relationship.)

Sex Appeal
There are some poeple who are seen as more attractive without any obvious physical advantages. They seem to have picked up something in the "NT communications circle" that lets them know what to do and how. The answer is that some of this is through word-of-mouth, but a lot of this is in some women's magazines. The obvious one is Cosmopolitian Magazine which, like Mad Magazine, seems to recycle its stories on a regular basis.

There doesn't seem to be an equivalent men's magazine. Playboy has a few articles on occasion but their emphasis seems to be on the proper way to be a passenger on a private jetliner.

Other Stuff

On Being Single
Society gives us the message that being single and dating are transitional stages, and marriage should be the person's goal. Face it, not everyone is suited for marriage! NTs have a 50% divorce rate, and they're supposed to be the ones who do well with relationships.
• Marriage does not suit everybody.
Being single can be a good thing.

Okay, if you get married or want to get married, fine. Just do it for the right reasons. Let the NTs get married because "they're supposed to" or for the sake of the ceremony.

In addition to dating, there are other alternatives, some discussed by the Alternatives To Marriage Project (ATMP www.unmarried.org).

As to the religious morality of living without marriage, is it right to get married when marriage is not suitable to you? Marriage is a union (or sacrament or commandment) which is designed around NTs and has evolved in an NT world. People do not "choose" to be on the Spectrum; it's the way they are (or the way they're created). Under Western dogma, the first command in the bible is, "Be fruitful and multiply"; not "Go get married."

Cautions
When meeting someone, know that you are meeting a stranger and that you have little knowledge of who they really are. Presumably the person is a friendly stranger, but a stranger nevertheless. Make sure that you are comfortable and safe before you take chances with personal safety.

Health issues and avoidance of STDs get some attention. As a practical matter it is possible for you and your partner to get blood tested, or if you feel it necessary take more precautions. In the meantime, I'll leave the dire predictions of doom to the media.

Pregnancy
Make up your mind first.

Be Careful Out There
Some of this is pretty obvious to some people so, please bear with me.

A lot of people get scammed by people in relationships. Most people out there are not criminal, and the only real problem in most relationships is how they treat you as a person. There are, however, a few con artists out there.

Some autistics are gullible, but we also have the advantage of being able to look at things logically. Take advantage of that logical perspective and track patterns of con artists and abusers. For the most part, once you recognize a potential problem, you can analyze the situation and determine if the problem is real.

In exercising caution, don't become overtrusting with your finances. The key is to always have control of this. If someone you're with comes in (let's presume you gave them access) and borrows a kitchen appliance, leaving a note, that's probably okay. If you're being taken advantage of, you're only out a blender. On the other hand, if your friend uses your money, unknown to you at the time, to make a purchase, that shows they have no scruples about doing the same again. There are always exceptions, such as someone electing to buy a few more items at the supermarket when already asked to buy something there. This is different from randomly deciding to spend someone else's money without authorisation.

Single?
A frequent complaint is of married men holding themselves out as single. I see this as gender-specific because the women I've met have been transparent about their marital status. Part of this may be in the way men and women "flirt" or become interested in partners. Regardless of the reason, that's the way it is.

That one should be easy to figure by using logic. If someone claims to be single but can't have you meet at random times near his home, then look into the reason. If it's just a messy house, the person will allow you to drop him off and allow you to linger in front. The hard thing here is to avoid confusing this with someone just wanting to be "private", and so it is necessary to look at the whole picture. If someone is hard to reach but you can call him at home, then at least there isn't likely to be a spouse at home. Whatever the particulars, work it out to see if it makes sense as far as marital status is concerned.

There are people who have multiple lives. Fortunately, this is relatively rare, and it's more likely that the men who misrepresent their marital status are simply looking for a mistress. At least that's my guess.

The marital status issue becomes more complicated when the married person claims to be in a bad marriage, but that he's willing to get divorced. The "rule of thumb" is that the person's status _will not change_. If he is in a bad marriage (a reasonable presumption if you think about it) he will stay in that bad marriage. If that were not the case, he'd have moved out, separated, and a divorce would be actively pending. A pending divorce can proceed to a final decree, but in that case, you will see activity.

There are variations on all of this, but the idea is to apply logic to the situation.

Abusers
There are variations on this, but some people are likely to be abusive to anyone they meet after they've gotten to know the person for a while. As to most instance of abuse, be aware of the issues. If someone strikes you (in anger), just leave as soon as possible.

There are also abusers who stalk people with disabilities. Fortunately these people are rare. It is possible to protect oneself from abusers who stalk by being alert for warning signs of these people.

The motivation of the abuser can vary but mostly it is a degree of insecurity plus an interest in some skewed aspect of a relationship. In the case of autism abusers, the abuser may adhere to the myth that the autistic has no real human feelings, and so it is okay to abuse the autistic. Presumably not being able to read body language and some facial expressions is supposed to imply that the person has no feelings. (Does that mean that deaf people don't want to communicate?) The absurdity of this theory doesn't matter -- the issue is that seemingly good and gracious people will find justification for abuse.

The internal motive of abuse is not much different from ordinary interest in another person. They wish to interact with that person. The only difference is that normal interaction is skewed by a gratification from abuse. Instead of indulging in relationships, or in fantasy and fetish, the abuser needs to attain gratification at the expense of his/her victim.

I don't know what the ratios are, but this sort of abuse can and does come from both genders.

The only thing that makes this significant on the Internet is that a person can more easily "target" people with disabilities because of the expanded ability of scanning a large number of listings. This started to surface when it was found that men were searching on the net for bipolar women in their "mania" stage. That's quite different from autism, however, and there is a strong possibility that "targeting" autistics is engaged in mostly by women.

The only way to really avoid this sort of thing is to follow the cliché, "Trust, but verify." It's a lot easier to avoid a problem or to leave if one knows that there is a reason to leave. Do not try to balance the good things about a person with the bad, but simply look at the "bad". Determine if the "bad" is worth saving the relationship.

Look out for classic abuse characteristics, such as attempts to isolate you, oppressive behaviour in the name of love, excuses, etc. Don't be taken in by the other person talking about abuse or making accusations. If they have a history of abuse, they know how to disguise it and deflect attention.

In a good relationship, the "bad" things should be little nitpicky things that bother you; not harmful things. A verbal expression of love or a physical expression of passion is not inconsistent with that person being an abuser. The abuser will always abuse the object of his/her affection.

The ability to "target" people with disabilities and conditions is not necessarily a bad thing. The entire point of this article is that it is possible to focus a search. It is also entirely reasonable that some NTs enjoy the companionship of autistics. The only thing is to be aware of abusers.

Fortunately, in terms of autism, it is possible to use what NTs refer to as "codewords". Autistic characteristic or terms more familiar to autistics can be used to hint at Autism, examples being "direct communication" "___ more important than eye contact" "pretending to be normal together" "Anthropologist from Mars", etc. This sort of thing is less likely to attract random stalkers. (Next week's subject, "How to form a clique and talk about fashion." The following week, "Botox parties". (just kidding here!))

separate webpage on sexuality (or Just Another Webpage About Sex)

back to index
First written 19 Jun 02; first posted 9 Aug 02. Last revised 26 Jan 06.

Stan P. ~~ Questions - see FAQs.
Comments about this site: email me www.scn.org/~bk269/

http://www.scn.org/

_

A Cambridge University team of psychologists have just completed a two-year project working closely with a London multi-media production company, Red Green and Blue Co, to produce the world's first electronic encyclopaedia of emotions. Produced on DVD-ROM, the product is entitled Mind Reading: the interactive guide to emotions. The Cambridge University team are all based in the Autism Research Centre, and were motivated to attempt this undertaking because of the lack of any tailor-made educational software for people on the autistic spectrum, many of who have difficulties in recognizing emotions.

The first step for the Cambridge team was to decide how many emotions there were. Psychologists have for decades worked with a standard set of 'Ekman' faces: these are photographs of the six 'basic' or universal emotions, developed by Californian psychologist Paul Ekman. The basic emotions are happy, sad, angry, afraid, surprise and disgust. These six emotions are universally recognized and universally expressed through the same facial features. The Cambridge team however decided to take a comprehensive approach, and used a thesaurus to identify every word in the English language that describes an emotion. They discovered that there were 412 human emotions (excluding synonyms). These 412 are therefore distinct emotions, in terms of their dictionary definition.

They then took the 412 emotion words into mainstream schools in the Cambridge area, to determine at what age typically developing children and teenagers know the meaning of each word. From this they were able to assign a level to each word, from 1 to 6 (1 being primary school age, 6 being adult level). Lastly, they decided set out to taxonomise all of the emotions, since 412 is too large a number to work with easily. They found that virtually all emotions could be assigned to one of 24 different groups. The 24 groups are shown in Table 1. Examples of emotions from just one of these groups (the Afraid Group) are shown in Table 2.

ideas pre smart

pre ideas

ideas about emotional design and interpretation

transparent concrete

Three years ago, Hungarian architect �ron Losonczi invented LiTraCon, the first light transmitting concrete.

A wall made of LitraCon has the strength of traditional concrete but thanks to an embedded array of optical glass fibers, view of the outside world, such as the silhouette of trees, houses and passersby, are transmitted inside the building.

The wall can be quite thick as the fibers work without any loss in light up to 20 m.

He even created a lamp

Mass produced LiTraCon� products are expected to be on the market at the end of this year. Meanwhile, his work can be seen till January 23rd at the Liquid Stone: New Architecture in Concrete exhibition at the National Building Museum Washington D.C.

I would really like to try this effect out in the table cloth idea !

i really like the effect of light through fiber optics snd how it can be manipulate dot create an etherial visual effect..

Emotional and smart Inspiration

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

on /off

edwardmuybridge

reseach for switch smart project

rtual intimacy

liedetector

ideas pre smart

pre ideas

transparent concrete

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